we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He felt like a one man threesome
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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