youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
