i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
