Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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