My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
