i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
