took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
