I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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