Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
