What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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