$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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