That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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