I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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