your parents love me but you hate me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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