Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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