tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
