i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
