I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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