We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
