Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
