Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
