i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
