I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
