i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
