i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
