Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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