She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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