at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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