one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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