dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
