I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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