i permit you to call me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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