mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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