Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
