"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
