Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
