Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
