half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
