It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
foreskin is a definite game changer
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
