Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
