WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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