I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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