So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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