i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
