Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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