the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
