1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
