I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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