Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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