I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
