im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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