He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize