It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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