she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)