This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food