I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.