Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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