I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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