if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
