In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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