Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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