So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
